10 Unexpected Realities of Being an NFL Wife with Eileen Noyes

We see them in the stands, cheering on their husbands during the big game. We catch glimpses of them at charity events, on social media, and occasionally in interviews. But what's really happening behind the scenes in the lives of NFL wives? What challenges do they face that the cameras don't capture?

Eileen Noyes, host of The Unsidelined Life podcast and former NFL wife, pulls back the curtain on this glamorous yet challenging world. As someone who went from being a strength coach at San Diego State University to suddenly marrying a Green Bay Packers defensive end mid-season, Eileen's perspective comes from lived experience. After nearly nine years in the NFL world and navigating life after football, she's seen the full spectrum of highs and lows that come with being married to a professional athlete.

In a recent episode of her podcast, Eileen shared her "Top 10 Things I Didn't See Coming" as an NFL wife. These insights aren't meant to discourage but to prepare women who might be entering this world, especially with the NFL draft approaching. Whether you're a new NFL girlfriend, a seasoned wife, or just curious about what happens off the field, these realities offer a glimpse into a world few truly understand.

  1. Your Identity Takes on a Life of Its Own

When Eileen boarded a plane with a one-way ticket to Green Bay, she had no idea how much her sense of self would change. She went from being a confident strength coach with a clear purpose and daily interactions with hundreds of people to suddenly being known primarily as "the player's wife."

This identity shift happens almost immediately. Suddenly, people are watching, judging, and making assumptions. Eileen found herself becoming hyperaware of how she dressed and spoke, trying to navigate who others wanted her to be rather than remaining secure in her established identity.

  2. You Gain an Instant Platform (Whether You Want It or Not)

When Eileen's ex-husband had nine sacks in his first four games, attention suddenly shifted not just to him but to their relationship. Before she knew it, they were on the cover of a local Packers magazine immediately after getting married, thrust into the spotlight without preparation.

People watch everything—whether you say hello, what you wear, and how you interact with fans. For someone who wasn't seeking fame or attention, this intense scrutiny can feel invasive and overwhelming, requiring significant adjustment to a life where strangers feel entitled to opinions about your relationship.

  3. Not Everyone Will Be Happy About Your Union

In Eileen's case, after she and her ex-husband married (she was 4.5 years older than him), she received significant pushback. From mysterious phone calls warning her ex-husband that she would be "his demise" to suspicious looks from people in his hometown, the disapproval was palpable.

Without knowing her background or that they'd known each other for years, many labeled her a "gold-digging older woman." This narrative persisted despite having no basis in reality, forcing Eileen to develop thick skin against judgment from strangers, family members, and others in the NFL community.

  4. Competition Emerges from Unexpected Places

When Eileen mentions competition, she identifies three main sources that many women don't see coming: groupies (intensified by social media), adoring fans, and surprisingly, in-laws.

Fans idolize your ex-husband, offering unconditional praise without asking him to take out the trash or spend time with the kids. This creates a dynamic where wives must balance being their ex-husband's biggest supporter while also maintaining normal relationship expectations.

Meanwhile, Eileen had to "prove herself" to her ex-husband's family, especially his mother. She felt pressured to showcase she wasn't a gold digger, creating tension in what should have been a supportive family relationship.

  5. You'll Experience Extreme Highs and Lows

The NFL life is a rollercoaster beginning with draft day celebrations—cameras capture families embracing, tears of happiness, and fulfilled dreams. What they don't show is what comes next.

Behind the scenes, young athletes with extraordinary talent often lack knowledge about finances and managing family expectations. Relatives start asking for loans, tickets, and favors. The celebration quickly gives way to challenges these young couples aren't prepared to handle.

Money reveals people's true motives. The highs of championships exist alongside the lows of family pressure and financial uncertainty—extremes that can become overwhelming without proper preparation.

  6. Unforeseen Pressures Creep In

The pressures extend to how wives view themselves. Eileen once saw another player's wife at a Pro Bowl—gorgeous, accomplished, with media presence—and immediately felt inferior. She began measuring herself against this "ideal NFL wife" standard, thinking, "This is how it's supposed to look."

This comparison trap intensified when Eileen noticed parallels in their lives, including having children at similar times. When focused on someone else's seemingly perfect life, it's easy to lose sight of your own unique value and purpose.

  7. The Rich Get Richer (And It Feels Pretty Good)

Despite having the financial means to pay for almost anything, NFL families receive countless freebies and special treatment. Eileen's ex-husband received new outfits and shoes for every home game through team sponsorships, along with other perks most people never experience.

It creates an interesting dynamic—those who need it least receive the most. It feels good to be treated this way, and it's easy to get used to it. However, Eileen cautions that "NFL" can stand for "Not For Long." The lifestyle and perks are temporary, making the transition out of football all the more difficult.

  8. People Will Try to Exploit You

The flip side of special treatment is dealing with people who have ulterior motives. Eileen shares how she and her ex-husband were burned multiple times. One example involved a pastor who immediately pulled her ex-husband aside to discuss tithing after their first church visit, completely ignoring Eileen.

These experiences create a natural wariness that persists long after leaving the NFL world. Eileen emphasizes the importance of developing a forgiving heart, as holding onto offenses creates emotional baggage that affects your well-being long after the incidents themselves.

  9. The Game Will End (And It Still Hurts)

Everyone knows intellectually that NFL careers are short, with the average being just 2-3 years. However, knowing this fact doesn't prepare you for the emotional reality when that end arrives. Eileen describes seeing the signs—a new coach, a new system, changes signaling her ex-husband no longer fits the team's plans.

For players with lengthy careers (her ex-husband played for nearly nine years), the transition is even more difficult. They've built community connections and deep relationships with teammates. Suddenly losing access to that world creates a profound sense of loss that affects the entire family.

  10. The Transition Out of the Game is Harder Than Anyone Admits

While fans might simply wonder who will replace a retiring player, inside the home, reality is complex. Players face an identity crisis: Who am I without football? What purpose do I have now?

This transition is particularly challenging because the player loses not just a job but an entire support system. Eileen points out all the services her ex-husband had during his career: massage therapists, athletic trainers, meals prepared to his specifications, doctors on call, and laundry service. When these disappear, many responsibilities implicitly shift to the wife during an already stressful time.

  What Every Current and Future NFL Wife Needs to Know

Understanding these realities isn't about discouragement but about entering this world with eyes open. Eileen's insights come from a desire to help other women navigate waters she had to figure out alone.

For women entering this world, celebration is warranted—this is a tremendous achievement. However, a tempering celebration with preparation will serve you well. Consider these practical steps:

● Maintain your own identity – Continue pursuing your passions and career goals

● Build a support system beyond the NFL community

● Establish financial boundaries early, especially regarding family expectations

● Communicate openly with your partner about the pressures you're both experiencing

● Prepare for life after football from day one

● Find mentors who have successfully navigated this world

  Finding Your WAG For Life Community

Recognizing the need for support, Eileen has created the "WAG for Life" community—a play on "WAGs" (Wives and Girlfriends) but meaning Women After God. Unlike the NFL, where cuts and retirement are inevitable, this team offers a permanent place of belonging and support.

Whether you're currently in the NFL world, transitioning out, or facing similar challenges in balancing identity and relationship, connecting with others who understand your experience is invaluable. No one should navigate these complex waters alone.

If Eileen's experiences resonate with you, reach out through her website at ladybellator.com. Share this resource with others who might benefit from this support. Remember that while the NFL chapter may be temporary, your value and purpose extend far beyond the sidelines of any game.

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Feeling like you've lost your identity in someone else's spotlight? In her book Sidelined No More, Eileen helps women married to professional athletes reclaim their sense of self and purpose. Not a pro-athlete wife? Check out Rise Up Lady Bellator. Both available at ladybellator.com/books