Breaking the Chains: Julie Sanford's Journey from Addiction's Grip to Helping Others
By Eileen Noyes
In a recent episode of The Unsidelined Life , host Eileen Noyes welcomes Julie Sanford, a woman whose personal journey through her husband's alcoholism has transformed into a powerful ministry for Christian women facing similar struggles. As the founder of Married to Addiction and creator of the Secret Struggles Summit , Julie has dedicated herself to helping women navigate the difficult terrain of troubled marriages. Her approach combines faith-based guidance with practical strategies for healing and personal growth, offering hope to those who may feel trapped in seemingly impossible situations.
Julie's story is one of resilience, transformation, and divine purpose. After enduring several years of her husband's deep addiction, including suicide attempts and the emotional devastation that followed, she found herself living in what she now recognizes as PTSD—constantly waiting for the next crisis. When her husband achieved sobriety about eight years ago, Julie felt God tapping her on the shoulder to share her story. Though initially resistant, she eventually embraced this calling, creating resources specifically designed for Christian wives of alcoholics. The Secret Struggles Summit represents her vision expanded, addressing not just alcoholism but the many "secret struggles" that Christian women face in their marriages, from infidelity to pornography addiction and beyond.
From Personal Pain to Divine Purpose
Julie's journey with her husband's alcoholism took her through some of the darkest valleys imaginable. During the height of his addiction, the family experienced trauma that affected everyone, including their children. In one particularly frightening incident, her husband went missing for over 24 hours during a suicide attempt, causing tremendous fear and uncertainty for the entire family.
Through this difficult period, Julie found herself depleted in every sense—spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. She was so focused on trying to fix her husband and control the situation that she had nothing left for herself. This is a pattern she now recognizes in many women dealing with troubled marriages, where they become so hyper-fixated on the problems that they neglect their own well-being.
When her husband finally entered recovery, Julie was surprised to discover that sobriety didn't immediately fix everything. He returned home quiet, irritable and disconnected as he learned to navigate life without alcohol. She initially interpreted his behavior as resentment toward her for wanting him to get sober, not understanding that he was simply struggling to relearn how to function without his "medicine." This enlightening realization helped her develop compassion not just for her husband, but for others trapped in addiction.
Finding Your Role in the Healing Process
One of the most profound revelations in Julie's journey was recognizing her own participation in what she calls "the crazy making." She recalls driving home from work already angry, mentally preparing for confrontation because she knew her husband would be drinking. When she arrived, the peaceful household would erupt into arguments, often in front of their young son.
"That was me," Julie admits. "I was the one who ramped it up to that level." While her husband's drinking was the core issue, she came to understand that her reactions were within her control. She discovered that she couldn't change her husband, but she could influence the situation by changing her own behavior and responses.
This insight became central to her work with other women. Julie emphasizes that while we can't control or fix our spouses, we do have control over our own healing and how we respond to difficult situations. By focusing on what we can control rather than what we can't, we become better equipped to handle the challenges we face and can even positively influence those around us, including our spouses.
Navigating Recovery's Unexpected Challenges
The recovery journey presented challenges Julie hadn't anticipated. She discovered that sobriety was just the beginning of a much longer healing process.
Her husband, who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder during treatment, had been self-medicating with alcohol for years. Without this coping mechanism, he had to learn entirely new ways to handle the stresses of daily life. This manifested as withdrawal, irritability, and emotional distance—behaviors Julie initially took personally rather than recognizing as normal parts of the recovery process.
Julie also experienced her own PTSD symptoms, including severe anxiety triggered by the smell of hand sanitizer due to its alcohol content. These unexpected struggles taught her the importance of patience in the healing process, both for the person in recovery and for family members. She now shares this wisdom with others, helping them understand that recovery is not a quick fix but a gradual journey of transformation for everyone involved.
Transforming Pain into Purpose: The Secret Struggles Summit
Julie's experience led her to create the Secret Struggles Summit, a three-day online event featuring 15 speakers addressing various aspects of troubled marriages. The summit is organized thematically, with each day focusing on a different aspect of the healing journey:
Day 1: The Struggles We Face
Infidelity
Pornography addiction
Alcoholism
Marital grief
Moving from survival to thriving
Day 2: The Strategies We Need
Processing emotions
Reclaiming identity and purpose
Setting boundaries
Self-care while partnering with God
Navigating decisions when your spouse isn't a believer
Day 3: Faith-Based Guidance
Does God still love me if my marriage fails?
Praying over your troubled marriage
Surrendering pain for gain
Identifying the real enemy (spiritual warfare)
Finding God in your messy marriage
The summit represents Julie's vision to pull back the curtain on topics that are often not discussed, especially in church settings. By bringing together women who have experienced similar struggles, she creates a space for honest conversation, practical guidance, and spiritual support. Her approach acknowledges that while every situation is unique, the principles of healing, boundaries, and faith apply universally.
Your Journey to Healing Starts Today
If you find yourself in a troubled marriage—whether dealing with addiction, infidelity, or other challenges—Julie's story offers several important lessons:
Focus on what you can control rather than what you can't
Recognize that your healing doesn't depend on your spouse's choices
Understand that weakness becomes a superpower when it allows God's strength to shine through
Release resentment and bitterness that only keeps you stuck
Seek support from others who understand your struggle
Julie anchors her approach in 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." This scripture reminds us that our moments of greatest vulnerability can become opportunities for God's power to work most effectively in our lives. When we stop trying to control everything and acknowledge our limitations, we create space for divine intervention.
The journey through a troubled marriage is never easy, but you don't have to walk it alone. Whether your spouse is struggling with addiction, has betrayed your trust, or simply isn't the partner you hoped they would be, there is hope for your healing. By focusing on your own growth and well-being, partnering with God, and connecting with others who understand, you can find strength you never knew you had.
Remember Julie's words of wisdom: "You can't control it. You can't change it. You can't fix it, but you can influence it and you can also influence what's happening in your household." Your healing journey starts with you, and the ripple effects of your transformation may surprise you. Take that first step today.
Feeling like life is passing you by? In her book Rise Up Lady Bellator, Eileen helps women break free from the shadows and embrace their God-given calling. Get your copy today at ladybellator.com/books
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