Five Questions That Transform How You Read "The Scripture"

Eileen Noyes, host of The Unsidelined Life podcast and mother of eight children spanning a 15-year age gap, has learned to ask God for wisdom in ways most parents never have to. When her youngest was three and her oldest was 15, she faced navigating all of them through their father walking away, divorce, and complete family upheaval. With kids at drastically different developmental stages, she couldn't give them all the same conversation.

Through it all, Eileen has leaned hard on two promises: God has given us everything we need for life and godliness, and if we ask for wisdom, He gives it without finding fault. In this episode continuing her teaching on Proverbs 31:4 about rulers not guzzling wine, Eileen doesn't just tell you what the verse means. She shows you her process for breaking down scripture into practical, applicable wisdom you can teach your kids and use in your own decision-making.

The Foundation: All Things Permissible, Not All Beneficial  

Before diving into the five questions, Eileen establishes the foundation: All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. This isn't a license for sin. It's a framework for navigating the gray areas where Scripture doesn't give explicit black-and-white commands.

The verse in Proverbs 31:4 doesn't say "Don't ever drink alcohol." It says rulers shouldn't guzzle wine and princes shouldn't crave strong drink. There's specificity there. When we approach Scripture looking for understanding rather than just dos and don'ts, we teach our kids to think biblically instead of just following rules they'll abandon the moment they're out of our sight. Conviction born out of understanding creates internal strength that lasts.

Question One: Who Is God Talking To?  

The first question Eileen asks is: Who is God talking to? In Proverbs 31:4, the text specifically addresses kings, rulers, princes, and leaders. You could read it and think, "Well, I'm not a king. This doesn't apply to my life."

But Eileen looks at it differently. She's a leader. She's raising leaders. Scripture says believers are co-heirs with Christ, which makes us part of royalty. When her son turned 21 and said he was thinking about drinking, Eileen could have shut it down with "No, that's wrong." Instead, she engaged with him as someone making adult decisions, someone who needed to think through the implications of his choices as a leader.

Question Two: What Are the Physical Implications?  

The second question addresses the practical, physical aspect of any decision. When Eileen talked with her son about drinking at 21, she asked him: What's the benefit? How will this help you? He plays sports. Would drinking benefit his athletic performance? For Eileen personally, alcohol means extra sugar and calories she doesn't need. It's not about sin in this question. It's about stewardship of the body God gave you.

This is where the "permissible but not beneficial" framework becomes practical. Teaching kids to ask this question trains them to think beyond "Is this allowed?" and consider "Is this wise? Will this help me? Will this hurt me?" This question applies to so much more than alcohol: food choices, sleep habits, exercise, entertainment that affects mental health, and technology use that impacts physical well-being.

Question Three: Why Are You Doing It?  

The third question digs into motivation. Why are you doing this thing? What's the real reason behind the choice? With alcohol, specifically, this question reveals if it's being used as a crutch. Are you drinking to cope with stress? To feel more comfortable in social situations? To relax and say things you wouldn't say sober?

If someone drinks because they're shy and need help socializing, that reveals an underlying issue with communication skills that should be addressed directly. If someone drinks to handle stress, that points to needing better coping mechanisms. Going to God with stress is the answer. Learning how to communicate and build relationships is the solution for social anxiety.

This question applies far beyond alcohol. Why are you making this choice? What's driving this decision? Are you using this thing, this habit, this relationship as a crutch for something deeper you're avoiding?

Question Four: What Example Are You Setting?  

The fourth question shifts focus to influence and impact. What example are you setting? Who is watching? Kids don't just hear what you say. They watch what you do. They absorb your choices, your priorities, and your habits. When you're making decisions about alcohol, entertainment, language, and time management, you're setting an example. That example teaches louder than your words ever will.

For Eileen, this question influences her choices significantly. She thinks about what her kids see. What message is she sending about how to handle stress, how to socialize, and how to celebrate? The example she sets now shapes the patterns they'll follow later. This doesn't mean performing perfection. It means being intentional about what she's modeling and being willing to have conversations when she makes choices they might question.

Question Five: Am I Above Reproach?  

The fifth question addresses reputation and association. Eileen desires to be above reproach, which means having a reputation that can't be legitimately attacked because your character is so consistent that accusations won't stick.

For Eileen, this question connects to the principle that if drinking would cause someone else to stumble, it's not worth it. If being seen with alcohol could damage her witness and cause confusion for someone watching, why risk it? Being above reproach means living with integrity even when no one's watching, but it also means being mindful of how your choices affect those who are watching.

This question pushes past "What can I get away with?" and considers "What honors God and serves others well?"

How This Process Works in Real Life  

When Eileen's 21-year-old son said he was thinking about drinking, they walked through this process together. By the end of the conversation, her son came to his own conviction. He watched how people acted when drinking and realized he didn't need it. This became his decision, rooted in his own understanding, not just "Mom said no." That's conviction that lasts because it's internal.

You're Not Disqualified  

Eileen closes by addressing women who feel disqualified because of their past, their circumstances, and their failures. Denying yourself doesn't mean letting yourself go because you're always there for kids. It doesn't mean living in constant stress because everyone else comes first. You need rest, time with the Lord, health, and equipping.

Women tend to disqualify themselves: not good enough, got divorced, can't speak into someone's life. These are lies. When you believe them, you hurt yourself and rob people around you of the gift God meant you to be. You have a voice. You're not disqualified by divorce, circumstances, and past mistakes. God put you in your position as wife, as mom, in your sphere of influence for a reason. You're needed.

Listen to this episode and learn the five questions on The Unsidelined Life podcast.

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