Raising Daughters Who Are Set Apart - Five Strategies for Christian Moms

Eileen Noyes, host of The Unsidelined Life podcast and mother of eight children, brings a unique perspective to the conversation about raising daughters in today's culture. As a former college strength coach who worked with female athletes at San Diego State and someone who found Christ in her mid-twenties after years of seeking validation in all the wrong places, Eileen understands both sides of this battle. Her journey includes walking through a marriage that fell apart due to cult-like religious teachings that labeled her a "Jezebel" for wearing makeup, forcing her to wrestle deeply with what God actually says about beauty, femininity, and a woman's worth. Now remarried and raising an 11-year-old daughter alongside seven boys, Eileen approaches parenting with intentionality born from her own painful lessons and the wisdom she wishes someone had given her earlier.

In her latest episode addressing Proverbs 31:3, Eileen shifts focus to the other half of the equation. Last week's episode explored protecting sons from wayward women. This week tackles the equally important question: How do we raise daughters who refuse to become that kind of woman when everything in society tells them to reveal, expose, and seek attention? This isn't about creating rigid rules or imposing legalistic standards. It's about teaching daughters their identity in Christ so thoroughly that the world's definition of beauty loses its grip. It's about showing them what mystery, class, and being set apart actually looks like in a culture where nothing is sacred anymore.

Building Relationship First  

Everything starts here, and Eileen is quick to acknowledge the cultural and circumstantial factors that shape this dynamic. She had the blessing of being a stay-at-home mom, present and available for her daughter in ways her own mother couldn't be. Her mom worked 12-hour night shifts as a nurse, sleeping through much of the day, doing the best she could with what she knew and the circumstances she faced. Eileen learned from that experience without judgment, choosing to do life differently not out of criticism but out of a desire to give her daughter what she longed for herself.

The relationship Eileen has with her daughter includes pushing through her own discomfort. She admits she's never been particularly touchy or demonstrative with affection, but because her daughter thrives on physical touch and closeness, Eileen makes herself embrace what doesn't come naturally. When her daughter was little, the hugs and snuggles came easier. As she's gotten older, Eileen has had to be more intentional about maintaining that physical connection even when part of her wants space. She recognizes that creating an environment of love, tenderness, and affection keeps the door open for harder conversations later.

This relational foundation allows for age-appropriate conversations about topics many mothers avoid entirely. Eileen refuses to follow the pattern of previous generations where certain subjects remained private and unspoken. She learned about relationships and sexuality from movies, and not good ones. She came to conclusions about needing to dress a certain way and let men have whatever they wanted in order to be loved and valued. That educational void left her vulnerable to all the wrong messages. She's determined her daughter won't repeat that pattern. The relationship comes first because without it, wisdom has nowhere to land.

Setting the Example  

The second strategy flows naturally from the first. Eileen had to wrestle with what God actually says about beauty after being called a Jezebel in her first marriage for wearing makeup and not covering her head. That painful experience forced her into Scripture, where she discovered 1 Peter 3's teaching about not letting your adorning be only external. The Bible doesn't forbid braided hair, jewelry, or looking presentable. It warns against making those things the totality of your identity and worth.

Eileen wants her daughter to understand four specific things: be classy, be modest, be set apart, and be mysterious. She wants her to be treasured. How she sets that example matters more than any rule she could impose. Eileen thinks carefully about what she's wearing and what she's revealing. She desires to be attractive and even sexy for her husband, and she's clear that's not wrong or evil. But she's equally clear about where and when that shows up. Her daughter is watching how she carries herself in public versus at home, learning that presentation changes based on context and audience.

When Eileen worked at San Diego State as a strength coach, her eyes opened to what really happens when young women seek validation through revealing clothing and sexual attention. She saw freshman athletes come in wanting the looks and comments, not realizing they were being objectified rather than valued. She had the opportunity to speak truth into their lives because she'd lived it herself. A football player once confronted her during her own college years, calling her a derogatory name that stung but was true. That moment of clarity, harsh as it was, helped her see she'd become an object to men rather than someone they respected. She was able to take that experience and translate it for the young women she coached, showing them the reality behind the flattery.

Teaching Her the Contrast  

The third strategy involves giving daughters actual wisdom about how the world works versus how God designed things to work. Eileen doesn't just tell her daughter what to do or not do. She shows her the contrast. She points out what society says is beautiful and admirable, then walks through what actually happens when women follow that blueprint. She asks her daughter to look at the kind of men those women attract and how those relationships typically end.

Eileen emphasizes this constantly: when you know your identity in Christ, when you know who you are, everything the world elevates as beauty loses its power. There's the world's way and there's God's way. Success in the world's eyes and beauty in the world's eyes look completely different than what God values. She's anchoring her daughter in truth early, creating internal filters that will activate later when cultural pressure intensifies.

She admits she wasn't taught these things herself. Culturally, within her Filipino heritage and the generation she grew up in, certain topics stayed private. Parents didn't discuss what happened to them or share their experiences with their kids. But Eileen wants to be real with her daughter. She wants to offer guidance that will prevent unnecessary heartache. She learned from bad movies that you need to dress a certain way and give men whatever they want to be loved and valued. Nobody told her differently until it was too late. That educational gap cost her dignity and self-respect before she found Christ.

The Bible itself provides contrast if you know where to look. Eileen references a story about a man who lusted after a woman, possibly a half-sister, and manipulated a situation to sleep with her against her will. Afterward, he despised her. That biblical account shows how lust and infatuation change everything once the craving is satisfied. Women who give themselves to men hoping for love discover they become objects instead. Eileen wants her daughter to see that pattern clearly, understanding that what God prohibits isn't restriction but protection.

Guiding Your Spouse in This Area  

The fourth strategy addresses the father's role, which Eileen describes as huge. She references research about the father's presence and influence, how clearly it impacts daughters regardless of whether that presence is positive or absent. When she was a single mom, her biggest prayer centered on her daughter knowing how loved, valued, and precious she is. She understood daughters need their fathers to tell them those things. While God fills that role spiritually, having an earthly father speak those words makes a tangible difference.

Now remarried, Eileen watches the dynamic between her daughter and her husband Michael develop. Initially, they had a playful, almost adversarial banter. Her daughter would seek hugs from mom and playfully reject Michael. As she's gotten older, Eileen has had to guide him on how to love a daughter differently than he interacts with boys. She reminds him to tell their daughter she's beautiful. She helps him understand that girls process things differently and one comment can define a girl or make a lasting impact in ways boys might brush off.

Eileen coaches Michael on being gentle, on loving their daughter well, and critically, on how he treats Eileen herself. Their daughter is watching how she should be treated by her future husband. She's learning what respect and love look like in marriage. The way Michael speaks to Eileen, handles disagreements, and shows affection creates the template for what their daughter will accept or reject from men later. Eileen guides him through this intentionally, sometimes having to nudge him on phrasing or approach, helping him understand the weight his words carry with their daughter.

This fatherly love and validation serves as protection against the loud woman described in Proverbs 6 and 7. Eileen notes she was never loud in volume, but she was loud in what she tried to convey and expose with her appearance and behavior. Her daughter is naturally loud in personality, so Eileen focuses on teaching her how to be feminine, graceful, and elegant within her vibrant personality. It's not about suppressing who she is but about channeling it in ways that reflect godly womanhood.

Praying For Your Daughter  

The fifth and final strategy is prayer. Eileen prays consistently for her daughter, asking God to protect her heart. She prays for her daughter's future husband right now, asking God to prepare the man who will love her like Christ loves the church. She prays not only for her biological daughter but also for her stepdaughters and future daughters-in-law. This prayer strategy mirrors what she described in last week's episode about praying for sons.

Specifically, Eileen prays that her daughter will see things clearly. Just as she prays for her sons to see the poison beneath a pretty face, she prays for her daughter to see the ugliness in desiring to be the kind of woman who seeks attention through sexuality and exposure. She wants her daughter to look at that path and reject it, choosing instead to be a woman who fears the Lord. The Bible says charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but the woman who fears the Lord will be praised. That's the woman Eileen is raising.

Prayer covers what teaching and example cannot. It invites God into the process, acknowledging that ultimately, only He can guard hearts and shape character. Eileen recognizes her limitations as a parent. She can build relationship, set examples, teach truth, guide her husband, and create the right environment. But transformation comes from God. Prayer positions her daughter under divine protection and wisdom beyond what any human parent can provide.

She prays not just for protection from external threats but for internal strength. She asks God to give her daughter confidence in who He created her to be, immunity to comparison and cultural pressure, wisdom to recognize deception, and courage to stand set apart even when it costs her socially. These prayers shape her daughter's future more than any rule or restriction ever could.

Your Daughter Your Treasure  

Eileen closes with a message for every mother, whether married, single, divorced, or remarried. This teaching applies universally. Don't be the kind of woman who is loud, boisterous, and seductive in the wrong settings. Know your worth and value. Your gentle quiet spirit is precious in God's sight, and it will be worth the investment. You deserve to be treasured. Your daughter deserves to be treasured, honored, respected, and loved like Jesus loved us.

The five strategies work together as a comprehensive approach:

1. Build relationship that allows for real conversation

2. Set an example of classy, modest, set-apart womanhood

3. Teach her the contrast between God's way and the world's way

4. Guide your spouse to love her well and show her how she deserves to be treated

5. Pray for her heart, her future, and her identity in Christ

If you're raising a daughter in today's world, you need these strategies. Society will tell her to reveal everything for validation. Culture will praise exposure over mystery. But you can anchor her in truth that protects her heart and positions her to be the woman God designed. Start today with whichever strategy resonates most. Build that relationship, set that example, have that conversation, guide that father, or pray that prayer. Your daughter is watching and learning. Make sure what she's learning reflects the treasure she actually is.

Listen to this episode and learn how to raise daughters who are set apart on The Unsidelined Life podcast.